If you have read about EMDR, you probably know the basics: it is a trauma therapy that uses eye movements or tapping while you think about a painful memory. What most articles skip is the part you actually care about. What does it feel like to sit in that chair? Will you lose control? Will you have to relive everything? How will you feel when you walk out the door?
This guide answers those questions from the client's side of the room, stage by stage. Everyone's experience is a little different, but knowing what is typical can make your first session feel far less mysterious.
A Quick Refresher: How EMDR Helps With Trauma
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. The idea behind it is that some distressing experiences get stored in the brain in a raw, unprocessed form. When something reminds you of the event, the memory fires with much of its original emotional intensity, as if it were still happening.
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, usually side-to-side eye movements, alternating taps, or tones in each ear, while you briefly hold the memory in mind. Over a series of sets, the memory tends to lose its charge and connect with more balanced, present-day understanding. The VA's National Center for PTSD describes the process simply: you focus on hand movements while thinking about the trauma and change your reactions to it.
EMDR is not a fringe technique. The American Psychological Association's clinical practice guideline for PTSD includes EMDR among the psychotherapies it recommends, alongside cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure.
Before the Eye Movements: The First Sessions Feel Like Regular Therapy
Many people are surprised that their first few EMDR sessions do not involve any eye movements at all. The EMDR International Association outlines eight phases of EMDR therapy, and the first two are about getting to know you and getting you ready.
History and Treatment Planning
This feels like a typical intake conversation. Your therapist asks about what brought you in, your current symptoms, your history, and what you want to be different. Together you identify the memories, triggers, and beliefs that may become targets for processing later.
You do not need to give every detail of every event. Many clients are relieved to learn that EMDR does not require a lengthy verbal retelling of the trauma.
Preparation
This phase is about building your toolkit before any memory work begins. Your therapist explains how EMDR works, answers your questions, and teaches you ways to calm your nervous system. A common exercise is developing a "calm place," a real or imagined setting you can bring to mind when you need to settle.
You will also agree on a stop signal, such as raising a hand. You stay in charge the entire time. If anything feels like too much, you can pause.
For clients with complex or long-term trauma, this phase may last longer, which is one reason trauma therapy timelines vary so much from person to person. That is not a delay. A strong foundation is what makes the later work feel manageable.
The Assessment Phase: Focusing the Target
Once you are ready, your therapist helps you choose one specific memory to work on. You will be asked to identify:
An image that represents the worst part of the memory
A negative belief about yourself connected to it, such as "I am not safe" or "It was my fault"
A positive belief you would rather hold, such as "I am safe now" or "I did the best I could"
The emotions and body sensations that come up when you think about it
You will rate how disturbing the memory feels on a scale from 0 to 10 and how true the positive belief feels on a scale from 1 to 7. These numbers become your baseline.
Clients often say this part feels the most uncomfortable, because you are deliberately turning toward something you usually avoid. It is also usually brief.
During Desensitization: What You Actually Notice
This is the phase most people picture when they think of EMDR. Your therapist guides you through short sets of bilateral stimulation, often following their fingers or a light bar with your eyes, holding small buzzers that alternate in each hand, or listening to alternating tones.
Each set lasts somewhere from several seconds to about a minute. Afterward, your therapist asks a simple question, usually something like "What do you notice now?" You give a brief answer and continue. There is no need to explain or analyze.
Here is what clients commonly report noticing during sets:
The image changes. It may get blurrier, smaller, farther away, or shift in color.
Other memories pop up. Related experiences from different times in your life may surface, sometimes ones you have not thought about in years.
Emotions rise and then fall. Feelings like fear, sadness, or anger may get stronger for a few sets before they ease.
Your body reacts. Tightness in the chest, warmth, tingling, tears, or a sudden urge to take a deep breath are all common.
Thoughts shift on their own. A belief like "I should have done something" may spontaneously soften into "I was a kid" or "I couldn't have known."
Sometimes nothing obvious happens. That is normal too. Processing does not always feel dramatic.
People often describe the experience as being like watching scenery go by from a train window. You notice what passes without having to stop and climb out into each scene.
You remain fully awake and aware throughout. EMDR is not hypnosis, and you will remember the session. You can stop at any time.
Installation and Body Scan: Strengthening What Is True Now
When the memory no longer feels very disturbing, your therapist shifts focus to the positive belief you chose earlier. You hold the memory and the new belief together while continuing bilateral stimulation, which helps the healthier belief feel more true.
Then you do a body scan, mentally checking from head to toe for any leftover tension. If something remains, a few more sets often clear it.
Clients often describe this stage as feeling lighter, calmer, or simply tired in a good way, like after finishing a difficult hike.
Closing the Session: You Do Not Leave Raw
Every EMDR session ends with closure, whether or not a memory is fully processed. Your therapist uses grounding or calming techniques to make sure you leave feeling settled and oriented to the present.
If a memory is only partly processed, you will put it "on the shelf" until the next session. Many therapists use a containment exercise for this, such as imagining placing the memory in a secure container.
What It Can Feel Like in the Days After
Processing does not always stop when the session ends. Clients commonly report some of the following over the next few days:
Feeling more tired than usual
Vivid dreams
New memories or insights surfacing
Emotions feeling closer to the surface
A noticeable sense of relief or distance from the memory
Your therapist will likely ask you to jot down anything you notice and to use the calming skills you practiced. These after-effects usually ease within a day or two. If anything feels overwhelming, contact your therapist. If you are ever in crisis, call or text 988.
Reevaluation: Checking the Work
At the start of the next session, your therapist checks how the previous target feels now. Often the disturbance stays low. Sometimes new pieces surface that need attention. This check-in keeps treatment on track and decides what to work on next.
For a closer look at how this process supports long-term recovery, see our earlier post on how EMDR therapy helps in trauma healing.
Common Worries, Answered
"What if I get overwhelmed?" Your therapist watches for signs that you are leaving your window of tolerance and can slow down, switch to calming techniques, or pause. The preparation phase exists precisely so you have tools ready.
"What if I cannot remember the whole event?" You do not need a complete memory. Fragments, images, body sensations, or even a feeling are enough to work with.
"Will I forget the memory?" No. The memory stays, but the emotional charge fades. Clients often describe it as remembering something that happened rather than reliving it.
"Is EMDR only for major trauma?" EMDR was developed for trauma, but it is also used for distressing experiences that may not seem "big," such as humiliation, rejection, or medical procedures that still affect you.
"How many sessions will it take?" That depends on the number and type of experiences involved. Single-incident trauma often needs fewer sessions than repeated or childhood trauma. Our post on how long trauma therapy takes breaks down the timeline.
Why the Body Reacts During EMDR
The physical sensations during EMDR can feel surprising, but they make sense. Trauma is stored not just as a story but as a set of nervous system responses. As a memory is processed, the body often releases some of the tension it has been holding. Our guide to trauma and the nervous system explains what is going on beneath the surface.
Finding an EMDR Therapist in Rhode Island
EMDR should always be provided by a therapist with formal EMDR training. When you are looking for EMDR therapy in Rhode Island, ask about the therapist's training, how they approach preparation, and how they handle sessions where emotions run high.
Arrow Behavioral Health has EMDR-trained therapists on our team, with sessions available in person and by telehealth across Rhode Island. You can review their training and specialties on our team page before you book.
If you are ready to talk with someone about whether EMDR fits your situation, contact our intake team or call (401) 477-9446.